I haven't posted since we brought Tom home Wednesday around lunch time.  It's been crazy.  

I started the following entry yesterday but never posted it.  

However, since this is my 'diary' I thought I might as well.  

However....

This is going to be a negative post. WAH WAH WAH!

Mainly I just need to vent somewhere and get it all off my chest. 

Feel free to skip reading this particular post. 

Wednesday I zoomed over to hospital after Tom called about being discharged, just to 

which translates into listening to him gripe. 

Once the mountain of paperwork in the room was done

and both IVs were removed, he would not wait for the wheelchair to take him downstairs to check out. He would not wait out front on the bench (with the tub of all the stuff I was carrying) while I got the car - and then he wanted to take the stairs in the garage instead of waiting for the elevator (like I needed him to have another heart attack before we are even off of the hospital grounds!) 

The flower/fruit basket was delivered as we were pulling into the driveway (thank you for that - it was lovely!) so the guy left it on the wall out front. We were right inside the doorway - I hadn't even helped Tom sit down - when he asks if (!) I am going to go get the fruit basket. (No, I think I'll just leave it outside for the birds....)

As soon as I helped him into bed I headed over to the drugstore to drop off his 12 Rx. Of course there was a long line; when I finally got to the counter I said there was no rush on 11 of them but he needed his pain one right away and I'd wait for that. She said it would be about 15 minutes. But when they called me up to the counter 20 minutes later it was because of an issue with his insurance (of course his card was in his wallet at home so I called and got that info from Lisa) and once the number was cleared up in the computer I waited another half hour. In my haste I had not brought a book which might have helped.  (My back, which did well throughout this entire ordeal, has been bothering me quite a bit since we've been home, and I'm guessing sitting on the pharmacy chairs for an hour did not help!)

Came home and helped Tom take a shower and then went back to pick up the other 11 meds and 'grandpa' ahead of me in line took over 15 minutes, talking on and on about this and that. 

I came home to (another) major issue between Lisa and Alex, at which point both of them said nasty things to me. No surprise I had my own meltdown.  

Later that night Alex came home from work talking on his cell phone up to the front door (outside 'my' bedroom window less than 3 feet from my head) and HE had the chutzpah to be unhappy when I nicely pointed out that he woke me up. 

If it weren't for fact that I need to be here to watch over Tom I would be out of here NOW.

Little sleep and big stress and I am a basket case. I just want NEED to be around some positive energy. Lisa is unhappy because all of her friends are out of town for the holiday. Alex is unhappy because we expect him to remember that other people live here. Hey, I have had a pretty crappy past 10 days myself.

Things did not improve greatly on Thursday.  Tom did not sleep well even though he was home in his own bed - plus Alex woke him when he left early to go snowboarding. He says food stills tastes crappy and even his coffee was disappointing.I needed to go to the grocery store (which I hate doing even under the best of circumstances.)  So it didn't surprise me that I discovered, while checking out, that I'd forgotten the margarine.  After paying I headed back to the far back right corner (where butter is at Wal-Mart) and of course realized once I got there that Fry's (where I was because I needed to get the cranberry celebration Tom likes) has butter in the far back left corner.
<SIGH>

I seem to have no patience left at this point for little things that really don't matter but seem to push me right over the edge. 

Got home and peeled./diced potatoes for mashers, made deviled eggs, got the veggies and bread ready, set the table - and when the turkey had been in for 4 hours I went to turn it to brown the other side for the last hour.  Flipped it without much trouble (although it did bend one of the big cooking forks) but 'somehow' when I went to push the rack back in I pushed the pan instead of the rack - and dumped the turkey and all the drippings onto the bottom of the oven.  It was not a good scene over here.  

I rescued what I could (by now the turkey was in pieces) and took it over to the back house to finish cooking for an hour, and then took out some of my frustration by cleaning the pool, which was all clogged.
(Yes, I had asked Alex to do it again.  No, he hadn't.)  When it came time to eat I just put the pan of pieces directly on the table in all it's 'glory'.... Dad (who always did such a masterful job of carving the turkey) would turn over in his grave! 

I think I have done very well this past year, but right now I am feeling very sorry for myself.

Thursday evening did go a little better and we opened some presents.

Now it's Friday morning.  I woke up around 2:00 and finally got out of bed to find Tom up.  He hasn't been able to sleep, he can't get warm, he still doesn't have much of an appetite and everything still tastes terrible, his rash (from the meds?) isn't getting any better, etc.  He took a couple of percocet in the hopes that it will work like a sleeping pill and I tucked him back in.  In the real morning we'll call the doctor and make sure everything is normal for this stage in his recovery.

OOOOOOOOOOOkay....I think I'm finally (!) done complaining

and will now return to being grateful.