Emily WAS allowed to be there yesterday, and held Bana’s hand as she died. 

 

Here’s today’s e-mail from Emily:

I have been struggling to put into words how profound yesterday was for me (and all of us.) Our sweet Bana passed away yesterday.  Sadly, COVID becomes a whole different monster when it takes someone you love. 

Thanks to the advocacy of my father in law, I had the great honor of being able to be at her side and hold her hand as she left this world.  Unlike so many that have fallen victim to this disease, Bana did not have to make her passage alone.  That is a gift for which grateful does not even seem sufficient a word. 

She was a feisty, intelligent, powerful lady in life and did not disappoint in showing all those qualities as she battled COVID like a true champ.  After days of fighting, which I have taken to be her final way of telling covid to stick it where the sun don’t shine, she passed away peacefully and without pain, being told how much everyone loves her. 

I thanked her for what a strong woman she is and for the love and example she gave to her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  I told her how proud she would be of her children, especially Andy, who fought for her wishes and best interest as fiercely as she fought for all of them throughout their lives. 

I told her to go and find Poobah and, perhaps, the late, great RBG.  I like to think the three of them are somewhere ruling the skies, though those are my beliefs and not necessarily Bana’s. 

I promised her I wouldn’t leave that room until she did and that I would wait as long as she needed.

In her last moments, I tried to channel every message and every sentiment I know her entire family and myriad friends were sending from all over the country.  I probably fell woefully short in having the right words, but just before she left I saw her open her eyes ever so briefly.  Her nurse was convinced that Bana saw me and I choose to believe the same.  I hope through the layers of PPE she saw the love of everyone who had the privilege to know her.  I hope she heard me when I promised we will all be having brunch in her honor when this pandemic is finally over. 

I have been honored to have married into a family so full of amazing people, most especially Bana.  And I hope that by bearing witness to her final moments it brings peace to our family to not have to wonder if she suffered at the end.  She did not.  She left in comfort and with love.  We are all the better for having had her in our lives. 

To the nurses and doctors who cared for Bana, thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving our family the gift you did...to not be alone in her passing. 

To all the nurses and doctors and PAs and techs and everyone else still out there every day being the ones to make sure those patients who cannot have family at their side do not die alone, thank you.  You are seen and you are loved and you are heroes. 

To Andy, thank you for trusting me to be there with Bana and for making it happen.  I am humbled and honored by the experience.  You have given me a gift I can never repay. 

To all our family, I took this picture, through the plastic bag in which my cell phone had to be kept, as a reminder that Bana was not alone.  All of your love was sent through my gloved hand into hers in her final moments.  Thank you for letting me be the messenger.